Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
