I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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