a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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