listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
