do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
