you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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