went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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