OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
