no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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