I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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