I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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