I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize