You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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