I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So much rum. So many feels.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
