walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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