he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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