I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
