Sponge bath it is.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
