Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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