it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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