When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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