i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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