You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
