It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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