I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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