I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
is it fun? or sober?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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