Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
