You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
