Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
3 2 1 whiskey
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
