and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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