I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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