my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize