sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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