threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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