omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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