hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
