There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
