CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
