I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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