Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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