you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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