I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
