my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize