You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
