So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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