What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
