you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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