you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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