OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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