And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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