Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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