I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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