I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
