What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
