i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
