i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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