I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
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I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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