im drinking this country out of the recession.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you win again, gameday.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
