i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
