No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
