im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
