She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
