I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
