I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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